Look at my 60 second landing page rewrite

I want to wrap up this tutorial on Leads by doing a 60 second landing page "rewrite".

As you’ll see, this is more like a refresh than a rewrite. My hope is that you’ll get excited by how easy it is to write a Lead (Headline, Subheadline, and Intro Body Text) and implement the concepts you’ve learned this week on a landing page.

(For our purposes a "Landing Page" is just an opt-in page where someone uses their email address to signup for a newsletter or free product. You’ll see an example below).

Let’s get right to it.

First, this page is already good enough… so we’re just testing something new against it.
I’m going to barely touch this landing page for Parker Worth’s newsletter.

Parker had no idea I was going to do this – so I hope he’s cool with it. Sorry Parker! Or hopefully, you’re welcome Parker!

Pretty good right?

Which brings up an important point: Copywriting will always be part art, part science… You never know what’s going to work until you publish something.

But if I was tasked with trying to beat this "control" (the current landing page would be considered the control), the following is how I’d approach it, if I wanted to do it FAST.

I’m going to use the concept of a Promise Lead to rewrite this landing page in 60 seconds.

Step #1: Make sure we have only 1 "offer".
It might not immediately stick out to you, but this landing page actually jumps between 2 "offers".

Are we signing up for a newsletter on storytelling or are we signing up for a free course that teaches us to get 1000 followers in under 30 days?

Either one is a fine and attractive offer, but if we want to maximize signups, I’d pick just one.

Since I want to use a Promise Lead, and it’s so big in the headline, let’s stick to the free course offer to get 1000 followers in 30 days.

Lesson: Focus your landing pages on one offer at a time.

Step #2: Get clear on your Big Idea.
This page has a clear Big Idea when we make sure we’ve only got 1 offer for the Free Course:

Get 1,000 followers in 30 days
This is a great Big Idea (I imagine) because it does exactly what a Big Idea is supposed to do. It’s the sexiest benefit of your offer that his competition probably doesn’t have.

Other offers like this probably just tell you they’ll teach you a storytelling system (I’m guessing) without stating a clear benefit and time frame.

Remember that for Promise Leads we most often want to put our Big Idea right up in the Headline in "How To" format.

So for our landing page, let’s leave the Headline as is.

Lesson: Get clear on your Big Idea before writing.

Step #3: Consider adding to the Headline (or including a Subheadline) mentioning the type of offer.
If you have a Promise Lead, you can include the name or type of the product in the Headline or Subheadline.

We can now make the Headline something like: Free Mini Course: Get 1,000 followers in 30 days with my secret story system

This gives some solidity to the offer (the free course) and creates a little desire to have that "thing". I’d just be careful that people don’t think it’s a course on video storytelling.

Lesson: Make it clear people are getting a course (or PDF, of training video, etc.)

Step #4: Add specificity to the Intro Body Text.
Promise Leads do well when you include an If-Then statement (look back at the other emails for more).

An If-Then for this offer might be: if you’ve been struggling to build an audience on social media (X & LinkedIn) then learn my my unique storytelling tricks.

I think it works fine if we just do it like this:

"Join 6200+ readers to learn my unique storytelling tricks to build your audience of raving fans on X and LinkedIn".

Now I’m getting closer to exactly what people want and what they’re struggling with.

Lesson: (Creatively) use the If-Then formula with Promise Leads.

Step #5: Make the Call To Actions congruent
We’re now focused on one offer so let’s change the Call To Action text and button to reflect that:

"Get instant access to your FREE 1,000 Followers in 30 Days Course."

The button gets an update too: "Send me the story telling course >"

Lesson: The Call To Action should call people get the offer that provides the Big Idea.

Step #6: Update the offer image.
Promises are direct – meaning people should know there’s something being sold. In our case, it’s free, but you still have to sell someone on giving their email address. You’re selling the free course in other words.

I think the picture of Parker is great for now, but a more powerful image would be a screen grab of Parker teaching in the video course.

Lesson: With Promise Leads on landing pages, show your offer (product).

Step #7: Edit testimonials to match our Offer.
The final step is to edit the testimonials or find new ones that speak about what we’re offering.

Lesson: Make your landing pages congruent.

Overall, there are other things I’d change but I wanted to only give myself about 60 seconds to make edits (before writing this email).

A few big ones: Parker has such a great personality, I’d have him use more of it in his copy. And I’d have him include his proof about how many followers he has on social, versus via email. Then there’s some scarcity I’d add to the offer, which is another story entirely.

But let’s look at the initial edits (sans new Hero image):

Nothing drastic, but I’d wager it’d convert a little better, especially with a new hero image of the course.

Wrapping up:

This week we discussed Leads and I hope I’ve sold you on how easy they make it to write sales pages, landing pages, and emails.

Leads give your headlines, subheadlines and intro body text a common thread and direction.

A well-written Lead amplifies your entire sales message, brings your Big Idea to life and helps you make more sales.

If you enjoyed this series, do me a favor and reply letting me know.

Have a great weekend!

– Derek

P.S. A discussion of Leads is not complete without a pitch for Eugene Schwartz’s classic Breakthrough Advertising.

You need this book on your bookshelf if you’re serious about creating products and offers people want to buy, and writing copy that sells effortlessly.

It’s an advanced book, but when you’re ready for it, it will uplevel your skills faster than just about every other book or course on copywriting out there.

I recommend you buy the Breakthrough Advertising physical copy book NOW because there are no digital copies sold anywhere. It’s better having a physical copy to read anyway, in my opinion, but the price fluctuates on Amazon and normally goes up. It’s $400+ right now but Brian Kurtz has the rights to publish the book, and he’s selling it for $125 (plus a tiny bit extra for the Mastery Package which I fully recommend).

I honestly don’t know how much longer Brian will have the rights to the publish it at that price.

So here’s my exact recommendation: Buy Breakthrough Advertising now so you lock in the lowest price possible. Keep it on your shelf if you’re not quite ready (although I know you’ll read through it all when it comes and that’s fine). One day in the not-so-distant future you’ll pull it down off the shelf, and one concept you glossed over at first will hit you like a ton of bricks.

And you’ll make a whole lot of cash because of it.

Don’t wait on this. I’m serious, Breakthrough Advertising is that good.

Go grab your physical copy here: